So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
