Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
