I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
