If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
