i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
