dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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