dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
