His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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