I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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