He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
