My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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