sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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