I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
