i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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