just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
