I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
