I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
birth control should be required to get into college
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
