You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
