you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
