I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
