omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
