new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
