so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
