i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
