i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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