How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
