He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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