If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm both gender and math confused
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
