Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
