look no pants
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
