You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
