I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
