brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
