at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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