i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
