Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
