now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Floor bacon is actually really good
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
