The brown eye won't let me do that either.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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