it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
