After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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