STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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