You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
