How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
