New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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