so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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