we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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