Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
