...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
