Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
