She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize