Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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