but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
