Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
