You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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