they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
