she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize