Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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