If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
no, he came in my armpit
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
3 2 1 whiskey
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
