He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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