She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
