you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
