ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
