someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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