and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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