I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
